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Referral Inquiry From An Overprotective Dog Parent


Rick and Randy,

We were given your email as a referral for Nicole Mason’s dog walking services. Personally, we’re a little concerned about her business name – Peppy Puppy Walking Service – as our Kenneth is neither a puppy, nor peppy. He celebrates his 9th birthday in about a month and, unfortunately, suffers from chronic thyroid issues due to an abusive past owner feeding him food that was not grain-free. (Why these types of people are allowed to live is beyond me.)

We’re just starting the search for a new “walker,” (we prefer to call he/she a Fitness Companion as it better describes the relationship Kenneth needs – an equal, not someone to “lord” over him – and our expectation that this person will help exercise Kenneth in body, mind, and soul) and expect it could take some time since our previous Fitness Companion was a dream come true. And believe you me, Rick and Randy, we had many dreams – and nightmares – before we found Joustin. Have you ever felt the all-encompassing, loving embrace of God, Rick and Randy? I haven’t, because the only religion I believe in is equal treatment for all living things, but I imagine Joustin’s presence is on par with the so-called King of Kings. I won’t go into too much detail as I know you’ve agreed to be a referral for Nicole as a favor, so let’s just say when Joustin told us he was leaving us to work with Oprah’s dogs exclusively, I threw away every Oprah’s Book Club novel I’d ever purchased. Trash. All of it.

Now, getting to the reason I’m writing in the first place – as our requirements go well beyond just “walks,” we have a few questions:

When Nicole pets Randy, would you say it’s more for her own pleasure, or does her caress indicate she would place her own body in front of his should a car fail to brake at a crosswalk?

Hypothetically, when transporting your dog to his twice weekly acupuncture appointments, would Nicole lovingly secure him in a pre-approved pet car safety harness, or let him run free, risking a broken leg at every red light and hanging his head out of the window like an animal?

If Nicole arrived for Kenneth’s outing and realized she’d forgotten her key, would she send us a half-hearted email letting us know she wouldn’t charge for that day and then use the time to treat herself to a latte? Or would she construct a step stool out of discarded newspapers to boost herself onto the fire escape where she would shimmy her way up to the 6th floor and kick down the door after instructing Kenneth to “get back”?

Thanks again for your help, Rick and Randy! No need to spend a ton of time on your reply, we’re just looking for 3-4 detailed paragraphs with relevant examples. Pictures are always helpful, too!

Susan & Kenneth
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